Saturday, December 11, 2010

From the Heart of a Struggling Girl, Walking by Faith

College. Growing up you heard of how fun and life changing this so called school/ freedom thing is, but you just never really heard of how tough times could be.

You lose people, you gain people. You lose authority, you gain freedom. It all sounds good until you constantly wonder if you are making the wrong or right decision. You come to a point in the road where you have to fully rely on God and cast your burdens and cares upon Him.

Giving Him your whole heart, soul, and mind is not the easiest thing to do during this time. You want to know where you will be next semester, what job you should go for, what major to choose, and even which church to attend. These things are even a step harder when you are alone. You hear all of these memories of how these wonderful people had such fun times and met so many amazing individuals during college, but they never mentioned what struggles they went through.

These last five months have been crucial to me. I can say that I have never fully understood what walking by faith meant until now, and yes my blog was created and named before that time. I have had so many ups and downs. I have to learn to rely fully on God.

I have came to times where I have had no words to pray. Times when people ask how I am doing and immediately tears start to run down my face. I know God is by my side. I know that He wipes my tears, hugs me, and can cure those hurts and loneliness better than anyone else, yet I still feel the loneliness and void. I struggle daily. I have had nights upon nights where I cannot sleep, tossing and turning, wide awake until wee hours in the morning.

I now understand what emotionally worn out means. I have came to times where I try to do homework and I cannot think. Litterally.

I wonder why I am where I am. Why does He want me in that place. Are there more things coming ahead for me here? Is He trying to teach me something through this? Why am I not there? Why did I have to lose that person? Is He trying to prepare me for something one day, through this? When will times get easier? When will I have relief? When will I be able to be joyful and happy at all hours of the day, as I was ten months ago? Why why why?

I don't know what I would do without three of my best friends(Megan, Jade, Alex), my mom, and even my mentor/Bible study leader(Erin). I can always count on them to listen to me. They have seen my emotions of a rollercoaster, not only these past five, but nine months. They know that I hate having to admit that I cannot do it on my own. They know I try to hide thing day in and day out, but they are always there for me and love me.

Through these hard times, I will still rely on Him even when I don't have the words to talk to Him. I will still long to be in His arms. I will still love Him. I will still follow Him.

"But I’ll take the hand of those who don’t know the way, who can’t see where they’re going. I’ll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I’ll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don’t fall into the ditch. These are the things I’ll be doing for them— sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute.” Isaiah 42:16 MSG

Friday, June 18, 2010

Better Than Nothing AT ALL!

I know I know I am so behind! I need to update what has been going on this summer, but it gets hard to find time! I guess I need to figure out a certain time to post each day... :-)

This summer has been fun and eventful! Last weekend at the last minute I got a call from a friend, Tracy asking me to go to Falls Creek(Church Camp in Davis Okla.) with their church. So I decided to go despite the fact that I would have to leave early on Thursday to hop on a plane to New York City!

I will get to details and pictures in the next post, but I have got to say it was amazing! Sorry this is so short with very little information, but I just wanted to update it with something atleast! Short is better than nothing! :-)

Now I am off for a girls night in Stilwater with some girls that I graduated with that have been missed!

Have a great weekend and Father's Day!!

"I'll stay with you, I'll protect you wherever you go."
Genesis 28:15

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Make It or Break It

So, I have just been sitting here thinking of how simple acts by others can either make or break your day.

Say that I'm spending time with my girl Sally and all she does is complain and be an ole grump all day, boy would I be tired, and it would drag me down as well! On the other hand if she was happy go lucky all day, I would be having a blast! I wouldn't want our time to end! Which one is the best route to go?

Bradley and I
This past March I decided I to take my Down Syndrome brother to Prom. When I first asked him he told me that "he couldn't go until he was older", but I reassured him that it would be okay to go now. He may or may not get to go to Prom in a few years, so I really wanted to just make him the star. It blessed me to see him having the time of his life, by just doing a simple thing for him.That day I was able to make his day.

Go ahead take another look at the picture and see how much his handsome face is glowing! :-)

From now on I'm challenging myself for the rest of the month to only let positive words come out of my mouth. When the the day gets tough and people are upsetting me, I'm going to try my best to choose to overcome it with a smile.

Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time, thank God no matter what happens.This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.
I Thessalonians5:16-18

Monday, May 31, 2010

Just a Little Late, But Not Too Late Right?

First off I want to start off with a picture of these four.. Mm, Who are they? Well you see us four graduates have been priveledged to become apart of the man in the middle's youth group. He has truly watched us blossem from young teens into adults. We are not just a typical youth group. We have truly became family to each other.
I can't even imagine what high school would have been like with out these four. They have prayed, encouraged, guided, and have even been there for me at wee hours of the night. I'm sure going to miss them, but cannot wait to see how God uses each of them for His kingdom!

Ashleigh, Jeremy, Jonathan, me, and Christian

As soon as graduation started, and I began to walk in, this is what I saw! My family blown up pictures from when I was an ornery little girl! I was embarrassed for the first few seconds.. But then realized, Oh well, it gave the whole crowd a laugh including the administration on stage!
The Hayley Bevel Crowd

My neice, Emma had been crying,because Hayley is graduating and will be off to college!

My brother inlaws decided to have their faces covered with me!! It was their "brilliant" idea for the posters and air horns I may add.

To conclude graduaation night, my sister and her husband had a gender reveal party of their new addition to the family. Even they did not know what it was until then... We were so excited to take a bite to see the BLUE icing for the baby BOY!!

Emma giving baby brother kisses!

The next day I was able to share the ending and beginning of a new chapter in life with family and friends.. I do want to add that my talented mother baked this not only ADORABLE cake, but also very DELICIOUS!

Mom, me, and Heidi(sister)

I want to give a special thank you to all who joined me on a very special weekend! Specifically, to my parents and to all of my siblings for making huge efforts to making my weekend spectacular! They threw me a wonderful graduation party!

"...always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Chris." Ephesians 5:20

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Mother's Day mixed in with a graduation event!

I know it's a usual for everybody to say on Mother's Day "Oh I have the best mom!" Well I may be a little biased, but I really do have one amazing mother! She is such a God fearing woman. I am so thankful that she has raised her children, by God. I used to think "Man! Why do I have to have the strict mom!" This past year God has been revealing to me how amazing she is and that I'm so glad she raised me in a strict way, because only the Lord knows where I would be if not! Oh my! HA!
With 6 children she knows how to juggle it all! This past month, my sister and dad had big surgerires in three days! And was she there for both? You betcha! I'm telling you she's awesome!
I'm also thankful for my older sisters which have been moms to me many of times! Being older than me, there have been times where I was even mistaken for one of their children! My younger brother which has Down Syndrome also had Lukemia when he was little and my sisters took the role of my mom during that time, while sacrificing so much as college age girls!

My sisters and mom minus one sister

My Baccalaureate Service was this evening in our high school gym. Let me tell you, it always seems like that is one of those boring deals that you have to go through to get to Graduation, well it was AMAZING! This past month God has been dealing with me about leaving a legacy at school, which is for another post itself. Well I had been feeling God dealing with me about this, so a group of us got together and did Cardboard Testimonies udring the service and we also had a group of guys that led worship! I could feel the Holy Spirit so strong in that place, He was definitely leading it and I give Him all the Honor and Praise! I have never felt anything like that at a Public School! I truly believe God has an amazing plan for several in my senior class! Wow!
So now I'm on the downslide.. Just a couple more days left of High School! Thank you to everybody who has shared great memories with me!

Monday, May 3, 2010

The Start To a New Journey!

Hello, blog world! Well, I can't say I'm new at this, but I am new to blogging! I have been reading and reading certain blogs for about two years now, so I thought well I'm starting a new chapter of life, by going off to college, so I do have something to blog about now! I'm so excited about this! I have kept my peace and quiet long enough, now I'm just ready to let it all out!

I am starting this so I can record all of the many exciting things that goes on in everyday life. Some may be so random, that you may not totally understand, but I'll try to keep it interesting with some pictures! Bare with me, I'm new! :-) hehe...

First off let's start out with a picture of my family!